It’s taken me a long time to feel ready to be able to write this, Joshua. As you know, it’s been almost a year since you cast my spell. The last year has been the best of my life, and that’s down to the work you did. Despite that, I felt…ashamed, in a way, of how it came to be so. Then a girlfriend of mine confided in me about how she felt her life was falling apart and she couldn’t see a way out. I told her about your spell service, and I think that unblocked something inside me – I realised it was my duty to tell my story on your website. I figured it it helped even one other person find happiness then it was worth it.
My story began ten years into my marriage. I was desperately unhappy, and it had almost nothing to do with my husband. I had married very young. Much too young. Not because I got pregnant or anything like that, but because I was naive and impulsive and, if I’m honest, because I was rebelling against my parents, too.
The marriage was great for a year, then got hard. We were growing into adults, and changing as people. We grew apart. We worked at the marriage, tried to get back on course. I might be impulsive but I’d made a commitment and I was going to stand by it. Things did get a little better for a few years, but deep down we weren’t right for each other and it was never going to be a happy-ever-after story for us.
This was all but confirmed to me when I met Tom. He was a friend of my husband’s (I know, right? Makes things worse!) We hit it off the moment we met. There was instant attraction, I know he felt it too. And we connected on a deeper level. It made me very, very sad to know that this man existed, and that we could never be together. Because Tom was also married.
Tom had not been married for as long as me, but there wasn’t much difference. He and his wife had married six years prior, and on the surface were very happy. My husband certainly thought so, because he kept telling me that their marriage was something to aspire to. He said we should try harder, because we could be like Tom and his wife. The more he talked about it, the more I wanted to be with Tom, not like him.
All this made me unhappy, but I would never have considered doing anything about it had Tom and I not got stuck in an elevator together. It sounds like something out of a movie, right? I think about that day a lot. I honestly believe it was the universe trying to put us together. We were only stuck in there for about an hour, but it was enough time for everything in my world to change.
I can’t remember how the conversation started (about being stuck, I guess!) but I sure remember how it ended. We were kissing passionately when the elevator began moving again. In between, I had learned that Tom’s marriage was anything but happy. His wife was controlling, and had anger issues. He had tried to encourage her to get help, but that had only made things worse. It had been going on for years and he was at the end of his tether. But like me, he felt he had made a commitment and could not leave her. Even a trial separation was out of the question.
In that elevator, Tom had said what a shame it was that we had met too late in life. He didn’t outright say it, but he made it clear he was thinking the same thing as me. Here we were, two people stuck in unhappy marriages, who, if circumstances had been different, could have met as single people and maybe been happy together.
I saw Tom a lot more after that. I made sure of it. Looking back, I was obviously trying to make every effort to be in his presence in the hope that he would…leave his wife? No. Cheat on her with me? Maybe. It’s hard to admit it. Would I have cheated on my husband? I’d like to think not, but honestly…I don’t know. All I know is that I wanted to be with Tom as much as possible.
This went on for months. And then it stopped. It wasn’t sudden, it just fizzled. Tom found more and more reasons why he and couldn’t meet up with us. My husband didn’t seem to notice, but it was clear Tom was avoiding me.
For a while I tried to forget about him. I renewed my efforts with my husband, but I knew that was never going to go anywhere. Whatever I tried, Tom was always at the back of my mind.
Eventually I plucked up all my courage and I wrote him a letter. I told him how I felt – everything. I said I was ready to leave my husband for him. It felt strange writing it down, because until then I don’t think I’d even admitted to myself the true depth of my feelings or just how far I was willing to go.
I posted the letter by hand, late at night, my heart pounding in fear of his wife seeing me. And then I waited. And I waited.
Nothing happened. No acknowledgment, no reply, nothing. I was devastated. After a week without a word, I convinced myself his wife had opened the letter and destroyed it. I called Tom at work and, heart pounding even faster, asked if he had read my letter. He couldn’t talk freely, he was in an open plan office and it was the middle of the morning. But he said yes he had, and thanked me for my comments. At lunchtime he texted me: ‘I feel the same. But it can never be. Best we say goodbye.’
Knowing Tom felt the same way about me only made it worse. Now not only did I have the weight of my unrequited love, but I also had to deal with knowing he was in the same position. It was killing me, and I had to do something.
I can’t remember how I found your website, everything from that time is a bit of a blur. But I remember the shot of hope injected directly into my heart when you agreed to help me. And I remember writing back to you and saying maybe it wasn’t such a good idea and that we shouldn’t go ahead with the spell. Because if I got Tom, I’d indirectly be breaking apart two marriages.
You were very professional, Joshua. You didn’t judge, you didn’t push me, you said you would always be ready to help me if that’s what I decided I wanted.
I lasted a week. In that time I went on a roller-coaster of emotions. At the end, I came to a simple conclusion that should have been obvious from the start: what was the purpose of trying to force two unhappy marriages to continue? It came down to math. Two unhappy marriages meant four unhappy people. If Tom and I were together, my husband and his wife may well be unhappy that their marriages were over, but Tom and I would be happy. There would be a net gain of happiness in the universe – two happy people and two unhappy ones. And who was to say that, freed of their ties, my husband and Tom’s wife wouldn’t find their own happiness elsewhere? It made sense.
I got back in touch with you, and you cast my spell.
Things moved quite quickly. You warned me that might be the case because Tom already had strong feelings for me. Within a week of you casting he was texting me. Can’t stop thinking about you, he said. Have to see you.
We met. In secret. We kissed before exchanging a single word. It could have gone further. We both wanted it to. But I stopped it and said no, we are still married. We have to do this right.
What followed was like a series of peace negotiations. We talked through our feelings, like adults, and agreed on what we both wanted, which was to be together. There were details to work out, mainly how we told our partners that it was over, but they were details and not something I need to share with you here. What really matters is that the spell unblocked the situation. It was the catalyst that got everything moving.
I’m not going to pretend the next few months were easy. They were anything but. There were tears, arguments, accusations…you can probably imagine. It wasn’t easy for anyone, including myself or Tom. You don’t live a life with someone for a decade and then feel nothing when you all but destroy their life. It was hard, Joshua. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it was easier for me because I had Tom. My husband had to go through it alone.
I don’t want to dwell on that part of the story because it’s still quite raw. But it’s getting easier to deal with in no small part because my (now ex) husband has met a lovely girl and they seem to be doing well together. I don’t know if we’ll ever be close friends, but I’m really glad he’s happy.
As happy as Tom and I are. We are meant to be together. We fit, in a way my husband and I never did. To go back to where I started this, the last year has been the happiest time of my life, even taking into account my guilt.
The guilt will probably never go away completely. It’s why it has taken me so long to tell my story here. But every day it gets a little easier. And every day I say a silent little thank you to Joshua Stone and the spell you cast to change my life. It’s time I said it to you properly, Joshua. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.